SparkleDust (original poster new member #86483) posted at 8:22 PM on Wednesday, August 20th, 2025
New to the group
Basic back story is Hubby of almost 30 years and former BFF cheated on me (twice that I know of). Trying to heal but having a really hard time.
I started seeing a counselor immediately but the anxiety and grief is overwhelming.
Any words of advice for the anxiety would be appreciated.
SparkleDust
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 9:40 PM on Wednesday, August 20th, 2025
Welcome to SI, the best club nobody wants to join. There are some posts pinned to the top of the page that we encourage new members to read. There are some great posts that aren't pinned that you can find by looking for the bull's eye icon that are nice resources. The Healing Library is at the top of the site and has all kinds of resources.
The anxiety and pain can be so overwhelming at times. It is going to take healing and time. If you need to, ask your doctors for some meds. I had to be on anti-anxiety meds for about a year. Unfortunately, trauma can do a lot to mess up your health and how your body functions.
Excercise can help you. Walking, going to the gym, getting a punching bag, yoga, pilates, etc. There's a book called The Body Keeps Score by Dr. Besel Van der Kolk. It is an awesome resource on trauma, not specifically betrayal trauma. He is a proponent of doing exercises similar to yoga & pilates to help your body release the trauma.
Stay hydrated and be sure that you're eating, even if it's a protein shake. Take care of yourself during this time and give yourself grace.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Nolongerthesame ( new member #84631) posted at 10:28 PM on Wednesday, August 20th, 2025
Dear SparkleDust,
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Know that you are not alone.
You will find a wealth of information in the healing library and will receive an abundance of wonderful advice from wise people who understand exactly what you're going through right now.
I'm actually also a newbie, but have lurked for 18 months, and the wise words I have read here were worth more to me than I can express.
As someone who was in your situation 2 years ago (also a relationship of 30+ years), I just wanted to give you this:
you are so much stronger than you can imagine. You stand now at the foot of a hill, but you do have the strength to climb it, even if it doesn't feel that way now, and I promise you, the view will be better at the top. It takes time, and everyone's journey is different, but in the meantime, what worked for me was to practice reclaiming my happiness in the small things, like the smile on a friend's face when they greet you. Just a few minutes each day where I was the architect of my own happiness, not this situation that my husband created. (Just in case you were doubting: this is in no way your fault and has nothing to do with you. It's 100% his problem.)
You have a community here that will support you.
