SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Rough morning, so I’m going to list off the things I use to affirm my divorce decision.

When I am divorced, I won’t have to-

-listen as he inhales while he’s eating food, which creates a really weird throat choking slurping sound.

- nag him to groom his nose hair, which was actually pretty gross

- decide to have sex when I don’t want to, and try to relax myself into it not being painful

- I won’t feel guilt about not having sex with him anymore

- I won’t have to soothe another adult anymore about something his own lack of insight created

- my house will stay as clean or dirty as I left it, or at least my bedroom will.

- no more guilt. No mroe trying to teach an unteachable grown Adult

- no more parenting an adult.

- no more waiting to find out he had affairs with more people than I know (there were three but he also solicited men and said it never went anywhere. Yeah.

- be embarrassed when someone would notice he was holding his penis at all times, because it soothed him like a little boy, and I would try to distract him by holding his hand. Cringe.

Where the fuck was I?!?!?

Oh and now I can hire a housekeeper if I want. He would get angry whenever I talked about that. I make all the money, he was a stay at home dad and he took it as some horrible personal insult. As he did everything. Frankly I prolly won’t need to anymore.

[This message edited by 3yrsout at 4:18 PM, Saturday, September 27th]

I no longer tip-toe around an explosive man-child.
I can make weekend plans with friends and no one makes me feel guilty for it.
I no longer buy bananas and make sure we have plenty in the house even though they rarely got eaten.
I can wear perfume or hair spray without his whining about the scents even though he wore Old Spice and layered that on like a 15year old with Axe body spray.
I can do whatever I need to be satisfied in the bedroom with out it hurting his feelings. (And now with anyone I want :-) )
I no longer hear him slurping soup or cereal because he said that is the "proper way" to eat those foods. (His mother was a cotillion-going-southern-girl and had impeccable manners. No idea where he got this from.)

It gets better 3yrsout. There are things I do miss about being married and in a partnership. But when you see what healthy looks like, you will start to see that you can do better than what you have as an M right now.

Keep your list going.

I can listen to the morning news headlines on my phone while I get ready in the morning, without waking him up.

I can do the gardening and take care of the yard without being told I’m doing it wrong instead of being thanked.

I can read in bed or relax on the couch without being mocked for "never doing anything."

I can spend money on myself without being made to feel guilty (100% of the income was from my job).

I can see friends and make plans and enjoy the people in my life, and I know they value their relationship with me.

You will find your new routine and come to love it!

A common theme I saw in you first three posters is the way your WHs repeatedly chose to belittle your talents and contributions to the M!

Makes me wonder why some men do that so consistently, like MY SAWH. Insecurity and immaturity? Tear somebody else down to make themselves feel superior? Misogyny? Just an observation....certainly these losers don't sound to me like the many BHs who post here, do they....

I won’t cave to her demands to just keep peace.

Won’t have to tolerate emotional abuse.

Won’t have to tip toe around an emotional child.

I’ll be able to do what I want when I want with no repercussions.

I’ll be able to invest in MY future

Insecurity and immaturity? Tear somebody else down to make themselves feel superior?

I think all of the above. Starting with insecurity IMO

OMG too funny...holding penis. My ex did the same F'ing thing. TNF he only did it at home, but still, it gave me the cringe every time. I would sometimes put my hands in my own pants or grab my boobs when nobody else was around just to make my point.

Mine is an ancient story, but he would randomly pop into any room I was in and down would go the sweatpants to spread the ass cheeks and show me his 'fruit basket', like a goddam ape in a zoo.

But he was a roadie and I gather that's what they do to each other on the bus like depraved children.

Life is so much better now without that crazy in it.

FaithFool, that is ... something!

Since separating from him...
My cutting boards don't sit around getting dirty.
I'm not throwing away rotting food.
I don't have to watch him play video games for hours at a time.
I don't have to smell his cigar-stinky clothes.
I don't have to deal with food-splattered shirts (the man would never wear an apron while cooking).

After we actually divorce...
I won't have to tolerate his binge spending on whatever his latest hobby is.
I can stop worrying about his drinking habits.
I won't have to hear about the latest drama with his mother.
I won't have to ride in his loud sports cars or share the insurance premiums for them.
I'll never wonder what he's doing on his phone.

NTFTM, it's like the proverbial frog in hot water. Once you manage to get your head above the water and see how normies live, it's quite mind-blowing really. Best of luck with your new beginning!

Now that I'm "divorced" I won't have to:

-Check his phone to see who he's been talking to and find the next woman that is about to replace me.
-Worry about why he didn't show up all night, and if he's ok.
-Worry about whatever hobby I want to have and whether or not he'll declare it a waste of time and want me to stop doing it in favor of something else he wants me to focus on.
-I won't have to watch him flirt with waitresses and random women, while commenting in derogatory ways about other women's looks and whether or not he'd consider them someone he'd sleep with if single.
-I won't have to watch him eat with his mouth open
-I won't have to listen to him rant and rave about (insert any offensive remarks) about lesbians, people of color, or whomever he decides has offended them with their existence that particular day.
-I won't have to tell him to quit texting while driving, or going 30 over the speed limit and get told "You have anxiety, can't you just relax".
-I won't have to get screamed at or called names because the adult man child is having a bad day and he can't control his temper or mouth.
-I won't have another birthday or special occasion ruined because he got drunk and decided to tell me what a mistake I was and how no one likes me.
-I won't have to clean up yet another financial mess or failed adventure of his, and then be blamed that if I'd done more or listened to him none of this would have happened.
-I no longer have to cringe when he comes home and wait to see what he's angry about this day, and how it' will be my fault no matter what.
-I no longer have to apologize for his bad behavior, outbursts, inappropriate dialog, or insensitivity.
-I won't have to ever listen to his commentary on past women or women he's met that he could sleep with, or their sexual tastes he claims they confided to him in everyday conversations normal people don't usually have. No more listening to him brag how many women are hung up on him, think he's attractive or want to hook up with him. (Most likely a figment of his imagination) I've never had a conversation like that with anyone other than a partner.

*Now I can sleep when I want, how I want.

*I can come and go and do any hobby or activity I want, without backlash.

* I no longer walk on eggshells when home. I can take a vacation or go to a movie without making sure it's something he wanted to do.

*I am now free to make my own decisions, pay my own bills, and buy things without him telling me if I deserve it or not.

*I can play a video game ,read a book, or paint kindness rocks and enjoy my free time in whatever way I want. I don't need his approval to do things that I enjoy, even if it's not something he would ever enjoy. So what if I'm 62 and want to play a couple of video games. It was my only socialization and I find it fun, even if I'm not good at it.

*I can get my teeth fixed so their straight and I can enjoy seeing my smile in photos.

-

I love this by the way! There are so many to list I don't know where to start but the one's that bothered me the most.

I won't have to endure the silent treatment anymore or walking on eggshells because of a mood he is in.

I don't have to worry about telling him I'm going to see a friend and get his usual nasty response to make me feel uncomfortable.

I won't have to ever worry about whether he will keep a job or business.

I don't have to have unwanted sex with him anymore as he used to repulse me.

No more wondering what time he will be home or just not wanting him to be home.

No more having to listen to him talk about himself all the time. Or hear him complain about just about everything.

No more having to watch him be friendly to strangers then turn around and ignore me.

I can make as much noise as I want getting ready for work in the morning and not have him come storming out.

Holidays or Birthdays will never be ruined by him again