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Cell phone and text messages

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 Kay73 (original poster new member #79156) posted at 9:06 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

A few years ago my spouse was going through what I think was a mid life crisis. He was moody, critical of me and all around mean which was not like his personality at all. During this time he began to lock his phone which to me was a red flag but I could do nothing about it. Fast forward to today and he is back to his usual happy self and after numerous debates he no longer locks his phone. I believe people should have their privacy but when it comes to cell phones if you arent hiding anything why keep the password from your spouse. I have a phone and he knows my password.

Now years later I know his password and will use his phone when my is charging etc. I have noticed that he kind of hovers around if Im using it. If Im upstairs with it he will show up. I just find this weird. As well a couple weeks ago he left his phone at home its a work cell and i heard a text ring. I thought it might be our child as they were trying to reach him so i clicked on the text. All the msg said was "Hi" no name was attached to the text although there was a number. I thought i bet a woman answers and I was right. I then text this person asking if she knows my husband. It took her a few minutes each time to reply to my msgs which was weird to me. She said no she didnt and the last message was she texted a wrong number. I am sure this happens but in all the years I have had a phone I never have received a text by mistake. I found the whole thing strange and of course my spouse said he didnt know who this was. I just want to know if anyone has received text messages on their phones meant for someone else or the person texted the wrong number and do you think my spouse knows who this is?

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2021
id 8677574
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 9:26 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

I just want to know if anyone has received text messages on their phones meant for someone else or the person texted the wrong number and do you think my spouse knows who this is?


I get wrong texts all the time. Last one was from someone working with a catholic church in town. She was asking for help covering Sunday school which my wife teaches, but not catholic, so there was enough corollary that I connected them together. So it's possible, but so is yours being an AP.
As long as it's not iMessage on iphones, cell phone bills usually have listings of numbers contacted. Checking to see if there are multiple texts on the bill should be a quick verification that something is going on. I would, if I were you, check that just for peace of mind.

posts: 1653   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8677580
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 9:54 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

I get wrong texts from time to time when someone local forgets to specify an area code.

My Cell number also got on a spam Iist Somehow So now I'm often getting no-number texts from Carol and her hot friends inviting me to their website.

Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5155   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8677586
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yellowledbetter ( member #70518) posted at 10:21 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

That’s exactly how my husband and AP would text each other. A simple ‘hi’ in case me or the OBS intercepted it....so that they could lie and play dumb. There would also be no name attached to the number so they could claim it was a wrong number.

I’d be suspicious but only based on my experience.

Me: BW 54, WH 57
LTA, AP 20 yrs younger.
Married 35 yrs, together for 38
3 adult children
DDay Dec19/2018 Attempting Reconciliation….still.

~where there is deep grief, there was great love.

posts: 143   ·   registered: May. 9th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8677589
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 10:27 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

I’ve gotten wrong text messages, but so infrequently, I honestly don’t recall the last one.

The locked phone, seemingly resisting giving password, and the hovering while using his phone can definitely be yellow flags. I would check your phone bill as well for when that text came in and if it appears at other times. Look for other numbers that may be on the bill an excessive amount. A pattern (always driving to/from work, after you have gone to bed, etc.) of calls or texts as well.

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1767   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: Pacific Time Zone
id 8677591
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13YearsR ( member #58259) posted at 10:36 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

That’s exactly how my husband and AP would text each other. A simple ‘hi’ in case me or the OBS intercepted it....so that they could lie and play dumb. There would also be no name attached to the number so they could claim it was a wrong number.

I'd check the phone bill to see if this number has texted or called previously.

There's a reason your gut is talking to you.

[This message edited by 13YearsR at 4:36 PM, July 22nd (Thursday)]

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. ~ Gloria Steinem

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence because you're not over there messing it up.

DDay 2004. Successful R. 33 years married

posts: 604   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2017   ·   location: TX
id 8677595
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 10:39 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

I agree with Annie. Check the phone bill just in case.

I would get wrong number texts soon after I got a new number but I haven't for a long time. If he's had the same number for years, it's a bit less likely. It's still possible but do your best to verify.

posts: 5232   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8677596
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csaiht ( member #77335) posted at 11:51 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2021

Very suspicious behavior. Good idea to check your phone records to see if he texts & talks with that number often. I'd also look up the number on

TruePeopleSearch . com to find their name, and look them up on social media.

posts: 116   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2021
id 8677617
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LostInHisFog ( member #78503) posted at 2:17 AM on Friday, July 23rd, 2021

Just to eliminate the usual suspects (aka cheating apps) next time you get the phone head straight to settings then scroll and open ‘battery’. In this section it lists all apps most frequently used (listed under battery usage) and this is information that can not be deleted. Just to check there are no hidden cheaters apps. Anything suspicious take a pic of the screen with your phone and investigate the apps and what they do in private, referencing the pic.

Google his phone type and find a YouTube clip showing you how to access the private folder of that phone then next time open his. If it asks for a pass lock code you know he his hiding things in there because a password prompt only happens when it’s been set up, a lot of cheaters hide pics and videos in there.

I forget the software name but there is software that when he gets a text you also get one on your phone.

Like yellowedbetter my WH and his APs would “test if it’s safe” by doing the simple “hi” and not attach names to the number so he too could say wrong number. I would trust what he said if he wasn’t doing all the other cagey crap. Since he locked it, took forever to give you the code and now hovers that’s enough shady behaviour to look into more for me. Always have your phone on camera ready to take pics of things you find, if he thinks you’re snooping he’ll start deleting things.

[This message edited by LostInHisFog at 8:20 PM, July 22nd (Thursday)]

They can make as many promises as they want, but if they don't put action behind it, it doesn't mean anything.

I edit because I'm fluent in typo & autocorrect hates me.

posts: 316   ·   registered: Mar. 14th, 2021
id 8677645
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:52 PM on Friday, July 23rd, 2021

I’d be more concerned he is hovering while you are using his phone. 🚩

Then an odd random text. Hmmmmm….

I’d be suspicious if I were you. I can pick up my H’s phone any time and use it and he’s not worried I will find anything. Because there is nothing to find. He’s not hiding anything.

BTW if they want to cheat they will find a way. It’s juvenile behavior but that’s how cheaters are.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14735   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8677778
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 Kay73 (original poster new member #79156) posted at 9:24 PM on Friday, July 23rd, 2021

Thanks for the insight everyone. Unfortunately I cannot access phone records as the phone is a work phone.

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2021
id 8678010
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 9:28 PM on Friday, July 23rd, 2021

I realized that after I reread your post yesterday.

I would go to the next step of a voice activated recorder in his car. If you scroll down a bit there is an active thread w good advice.

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1767   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: Pacific Time Zone
id 8678011
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 2:33 AM on Saturday, July 24th, 2021

Grab his phone next time and install an app to track what he is doing. Go to the learning center other parts of this site which will give you tips.

Here's the deal. Your spidey sense are telling you something. Trust your gut. The reason why your H was super defensive during that time was because of his guilt. Guilty people get real defensive as they're getting caught. Hovering around his phone is another red flag. Check your phone bill and see if there is a number, maybe the number that sent you the hi message comes up a lot. That will confirm for you, it was not just some random mistake.

Another thread recently reviewed the top most used emojis. See anything in the top that you don't get from him, and you have some more things to look into. Keep researching. If you gut is telling you something, better check up on it.

posts: 1426   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8678078
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CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 4:18 AM on Saturday, July 24th, 2021

I live by the "trust but verify" rule as often as possible.

Yes, I have gotten on some stupid lists (have been on one for 7 years...I routinely add to the list of organizations that I report to the FCC for not removing me) and I have even received back texts just this past week when someone was spoofing MY NUMBER and sending out messages like "Hi" and "I can't wait to meet up" and other crap like that.

So, it is possible that it was spam and that it just happened to be a female on the other end (50/50 chance, right?). Then again, check the phone bill to trust but verify. Could be something. Could truly be nothing.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3355   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8678095
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 3:10 PM on Saturday, July 24th, 2021

It’s his work phone and there is no access to the phone records.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14735   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8678155
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 Kay73 (original poster new member #79156) posted at 8:49 AM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Hi everyone thanks for the tips. I tried verifying the cell number but it was a bust no luck. Has anyone had any luck with a legitimate service that can provide a name. Also I dont want to use a credit card with our personal information. Ive tried other ways as well to find out who the cell number belongs too with no luck.

In addition when I called the number before there is a message but they dont give their name. I have been giving this more thought and the weird thing about this message was that I was able to find out the the cell phone provider and the city of the caller and its our city. Also the message was sent at 10 in the morning so I think if they do know each other she was just checking in and saying Hi. Maybe the text was sent to the wrong number but I have had my phone for years and never have received a wrong text.

I just want to know for sure. This isnt the first time he has said a number was a wrong number. Also he always turns his phone off at. night before going to bed and although he turns it off he faces it down I would imagine if he was talking or involved with another woman he would tell her not to call in the evening. As mentioned when the text msg was sent it was in the early morning and this person would have thought he would have his phone. Also when I was texting her about knowing my spouse it took her a while each time to get back to me which was also strange.

What are some ways people are texting so they dont get caught. Are they sending messages as unknown numbers? Also how are they hiding things on their phones.

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2021
id 8678299
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 6:15 PM on Sunday, July 25th, 2021

There are apps to secretly contact t the OW or OM.

They can be hidden on a cell phone too so you would not notice them. WhatsApp is one.

My H used Skype to contact the OW — in our home. Practically in front of me. He knew I could see the calls and texts. So he had a secret email account and Skype.

Your guy has very suspicious behavior and they all point you cheating. This random recent “wrong text” knows your H. That much is obvious.

If you really need to know hire a Private investigator.

Or just ask to use your H’s phone. Say - mine is dead can I borrow yours? If he refuses — you have your answer.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14735   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8678350
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 Kay73 (original poster new member #79156) posted at 7:22 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

What are apps that people are using to hide things on their phones and what do they look like or where are they hidden?

Also who has used a private investigator. In my situation I think at this point it is phone calls only as he is always home. Would a investigator be able to find out the identity of someone from a cell phone number? If you have used an investigator please share what type of things they have found out for you? Also arent they very expensive?

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2021
id 8678578
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stubbornft ( member #49614) posted at 8:21 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Go to website for whitepages or spokeo and put the # in to see if it will give you a name.

Following you around while you have his phone is suspicious.

Me: BS 40 Him: WS 51 He cheated with massage parlor sex workersDday 01/19/2021
Kicked him out in 2021 - life is better on the other side. Moved on with the help of a wonderful therapist.

posts: 852   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8678598
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 9:40 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

I just want to know if anyone has received text messages on their phones meant for someone else or the person texted the wrong number

Yes. I actually received a wrong text on my phone this weekend from some poor older woman sending me her photo and reaching out to who she thought was a guy she had been talking to on some dating website. We confirmed the number she messaged was the one he had given her so either it was a wrong number or she mistyped. I seem to get a wrong number text about once every two or three years. The one prior to the aforementioned woman was a bunch of text messages in Spanish where it appeared a woman (mother?) was chewing out her son for not returning her calls! lol

and do you think my spouse knows who this is?

Here in lies the problem. I have no idea. Neither do you nor will you most likely ever know WHO sent that message. The AP in my world used to contact my WH via an app that allowed you to get a fake number - she had like 20 of them over time I think. At first so she could change it every few weeks so the cell phone records weren't too suspicious, and then later because he blocked her actual number.

So of course he could know who sent this message. That's the crazy making shit that affairs do to you. I'm sorry as I know how much that not knowing sucks. I would check the phone bill to see if this number has shown up before (if the number appeared at all).

To me, this is the most odd/suspicous behaviour:

Following you around while you have his phone is suspicious.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 3:43 PM, July 26th (Monday)]

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2519   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8678621
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