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I had been holding onto some hope that I might feel good about wearing them again someday. I had even worked out a timeline/formula in my head for when I could start to consider it. Recent revelations have ruined the possibility that I will ever want to even look at them again. I had absolutely loved those rings. The memories of getting them were special. I loved the engraving inside. They were just very precious and dear to me, until they weren't.

Chalk this up to yet another thing stolen by infidelity.

It would be cool if I could say that I did something dramatic like throw them in a lake or run them through a wood chipper, but no. The formerly poor person in me just couldn't waste a resource like that. I was able to get a little cash for them, so there's that.

I will continue to wear a silicon band for now.

Please share - what have you done about wearing, or not wearing, rings. Did you get something new, or keep the old ones after some work and healing?

I took mine off on Dday and put it in a small box along with WS's. He'd taken his off back in 2020 when he lost a bunch of weight ... right around the same time he started his affair. We'd talked about getting it resized, but he never made it a priority. Shortly before Dday 2, he suggested that we wear them again?! I wasn't ready then, and with all the subsequent ddays and other stressors, I never became ready. They remained in the box.

Now that we're moving forward with legal separation, we'll have to discuss what to do with them. Possibly we will each take ours and do whatever we want, in which case I will either sell or have it made into something else, like a pendant.

I actually lost my original wedding band while swimming at the beach a few years back (perhaps a foreshadowing…). As a result I happened to be wearing a cheap replacement band during my wife’s 2 year EA. After Dday I did remove the ring for a few days, but then decided to wear it again since I’m a well-known pastor/evangelist in our area and didn’t want to have to be explaining our situation to everyone while I was still suffering from mental & emotional distress from extreme PTSD. Ironically, the primary areas that I am requested to come teach and give advice on are marriage and family…

I doubt I would have kept the original band had it still been in my possession. My wife’s broken vow will haunt me for the rest of my life… I love her and plan to keep my vows to her, but now I can never say that my precious wife remained faithful to me till death parted us. That hurts me in the deepest part of my being…

I had a similar loss of ring at the beach accident, but mine was after the EA.

I replaced it almost immediately with a cheap gold plated tungsten carbide ring. It wasn't very comfortable and I stopped wearing it mostly for reasons of discomfort. That said, I didn't feel ethically or emotionally driven to replace it again or to push through the mild discomfort of the ring.

For almost four years I didn't wear a ring. We went to a jeweler to have it properly replaced as a nice replica of our original ring design. It wasn't specifically ceremonial or symbolic of our R. It wasn't a specific ask. I do think it means something, but it's not a vow renewal or anything like that. I am and have been married to my wife the whole time. It was just a matter of it feeling right about the replacement without it feeling forced.

Initially I kept wearing the ring thinking it would show commitment to R.

But as the months went by I just couldn't bring myself to continue wearing it. The vows are broken. The rings were a symbol of those vows.

Also my wife never removed her ring while with her AP. For me that cheapens its significance.

I still have my ring, but probably won't wear it anymore.

I now wear a cheap plastic ring to symbolize my commitment to R. Sometimes I wear a nicer backup ring for the same reason.

I took my ring off on Dday and locked it away. The funny thing is that my ring cracked some years before and my WW finally got around to fixing it for me during her A. She made a big deal about presenting it to me. If I was a suspicious or paranoid person,I might suspect my ring, the symbol of her commitment to me, broke around the time she strayed. Now wouldn't that be comically appropriate?

I mentioned the irony to her, fixing the ring while being unfaithful, but I don't think it really registered for her. She always was a little thick that way.

Not sure what I'll do with it, but it could be worth a nice dinner or two for me.

I have never worn a ring because I can't really have metal against my skin for extended periods. So for me, personally it's just never been a symbol. Over the years I had bought her 2 different rings. When I wrote my "Lament" in the aftermath of her PA I referenced them in the line:

"As the river softly sings,
In the darkness after day,
Cast aside our wedding rings,
And throw it all away."

She used to regularly take them off when she would go to be with him, the line in the lament specifically when she fucked him down by the river in our town's nature center.

She holds them to be precious again, because she's desperate to hold on to the marriage. I used to be irritated at them, like some posted here, as a symbol of the broken vows. That's faded with time, though, and now they're like so many things in the aftermath, just something that lost its personal value to me. Like sex. Pretty, no longer triggers, but nothing special.

When I discovered he was looking for other women on the computer I took my engagement ring and wedding band and flushed it down the toilet!!!

It would be cool if I could say that I did something dramatic like throw them in a lake or run them through a wood chipper,

Umm... I tossed mine into a dumpster. Seemed appropriate at the time. Nothing dramatic. Took it off, looked at it for a spell, then... ping, dank, plunk... assigned it a future with the rest of the world's unwarranted shit.

I have no issue with my original wedding ring as I thought we happily reconciled.

The vow renewal ring in the other hand not so much. I happened to lose it (somewhere ib the house think) around the same time I discovered the innapropriate behaviour was going on. I didnt even notice it was gone because i was focues on figureing out wtf was going on with my husband and all his boundry crossing behaviour. The unsuspected, long term porn abuse disclosure that he neglected to mention during supposed reconciliation, now meabs the the vow renewal meant nothing because he broke thise vows.

I already shredded our picture of that and the copy of the vows and I don't care if I never find the ring. If I do I'd probably sell it.

[This message edited by lizziej at 4:10 PM, Wednesday, August 20th]

Thank you, everyone, for your input and perspectives.

I do think I will eventually get to a place where I would want a new ring. In the meantime, I am trying to decide how I should pamper myself a little with some of the cash I got for the old ones.

We hand made rings for each other. My ring was very important to me and I never took it off. It was engraved with words that meant something and had been made by him. We had a lovely weekend making them.

I never wear it, I think it’s in a box in my attic. It means nothing anymore. He’s taken his off in anger at me not wearing mine. It hasn’t helped our marriage and just made me see him as being spiteful and child like- I did nothing wrong. I made it and kept my vows.

By taking his off in anger I see how he was able to cheat. I see yet another flaw in him. He was spiteful to me (this formed part of him cheating) he built me up as some awful, evil, controlling person. Instead of leaving he cheated. Whereas his internet scammer was amazing and wonderful.

So I wear no ring anymore. I may get one to myself from my children. Or one from me to me.

I always wanted him to get me an eternity ring. Maybe he should have focused on making one of them instead of being a cheat.

Abcd89, That sounds truly awful. Shame on him.

My jewelry is from multi-generational family jewelry. It's not really mine; I take care of it. It has memories of my mother wearing it and taking it off during canning or fruit season. I remember my mother talking about how much thicker it was when her grandmother wore it. My cousins ask about it.

When I wore it, I thought of my mom or my grandmother who lost a child in a house fire and worked in an ammunition factory during the war. I thought of the women before me who wore it and all that they endured and how strong they were. It's in the safe. I wear it occasionally. We were not a wealthy family. I would take it off and wear another ring if I were going somewhere less secure. I always wore a ring but not expensive, even when separated, and still do no matter how I feel. In my perspective, a wedding or engagement ring is as much an outward sign to others than anything else.

KitchenDepth5551

If it was my mothers or grandmothers I would wear it as often as I could.

This horrific experience has made me realise the true loves of my life were/are my grandparents, parents, siblings and children. I always knew I had a great family but now I know that I was truly blessed to get them. (I’m adopted).

I thought I’d found a shining star in my husband but alas he wasn’t.

I will find and buy a ring that celebrates them. Maybe one with tiny stones that represent their birth months.

I never asked or wanted anything expensive or flashy - I like quirky and sentimental over expensive. I wear the home made things people make (friendship bracelets, badges, beads) and I see them as treasures

I still haven't found my vow renewal ring- so odd but I dont believe in coincidences 😉

We have considered doing a vow ceremony next year on the 40th anniversary of the day we met. I dont want to call it a vow renewal, it is new vows.

We've been looking at rings.

We've picked a few and one he really.like and I was happy to be able to say no it isnt what I want rather than.just going along with him.

I found a bridal set and decided I wanted that. I never had an engagement ring, my wedding ring has diamonds and sapphires set in.

So this time I want the whole package. He can get me the engagement ring which I Will wear for the next year amd them decide if I really want to do the vow ceremony and then add the band at the ceremony if i go through with it. Then I will only wear those rings on my left hand.

For me this is symbolic instead of adding on by contiueing to wear my wedding ring and vow renewal ring nd just adding a new ring, I will start over. It's Symbolic of how we just tried to add to our marriage to fix it rather than rebuilding the foundation and start over.

The new ringa will be symbolic of our new marriage I'll give a nod to our original marriage by wearing my original wedding ring on my right hand (as will he).

I held up my end of the vows.

For me, my ring represented my honor and doing the right thing.

I never took my ring off.

If R had failed, then I may have found a creative way to get rid of it.

Like someone else posted, I feel that wedding rings are a social signal to others and I felt shame or at least awkward not wearing anything when we were around people who had been wedding guests and with whom WH worked. I asked him to get me a new ring just to reflect legal status, so people would not be too quick to question me and personally, to symbolize trying to Reconcile. We found an amethyst set in gold, similar to my engagement ring. I loved the color of a purple stone, it seemed fitting for a marriage filled with sorrow and contrition. H never took his gold band off with the date of our wedding engraved inside. Whatever. It hadn't stopped him from doing a prostitute.

After five years attempting R we came to a fork in the road where he gave me the "I'm 80% committed to staying married" line. I looked at that amethyst ring and decided it needed to come off, too. D-Day 2 was not for another 7 years. He was still wearing his wedding band when our town cops dragged him off to jail. They were trying to stop sex traffickers so they set up a sting at a local truck stop. He was their first "customer!" On my birthday, no less.

You all are making me think about selling these three rings! Or at least the engagement main diamond. They have just sat in their little velvet boxes in my safe deposit box all these years. If/when I'm single again I would never wear them and may as well sell all of them. I wouldn't give them to anyone I loved because of the bad history.

Glad to see I'm in good company taking my rings off on D-Day 1 and never wearing them again.

Typos!

[This message edited by Superesse at 7:05 PM, Saturday, October 4th]

My beautiful engagement ring is in a box with my mother’s rings. One day I’ll have new rings made from them all. (My mom liked big rings— she had beautiful long fingers with smooth knuckles. I have long fingers with big knuckles. :-| Definitely need different style rings than mom liked.)

It took time, but now it’s just a very pretty stone. No real sentimental value left in it.

I through my ring out the window driving down the freeway.

I took my ring off a week or two after DDay as more and more information came to light. I put it in a safe place, and then it disappeared. Maybe she took it and put it somewhere safer. Maybe I flushed it down the toilet while drunk (I hit the wine pretty hard that first month). Rings just don't have any meaning to me when the original vows were broken.