Jess09 (original poster member #68747) posted at 10:23 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2025
I need some advice. Child support just ended. I still have maintenance that is due for several years. He got a lawyer to have papers drawn up to stop the child support portion. I knew this was coming per our divorce papers and signed. My ex just told me that instead of having his work alter the direct deposit he wants to cancel it entirely and just pay me the maintenance on his own thru like Zelle. Yup! I 100% dont trust him with this. I can see him "forgetting" to pay me and somehow getting out of it. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Shouldnt he have to continue do it thru direct deposit since it is thru a court order so it is guranteed and I dont get screwed? Anyone have experience with this?
torso1500 ( new member #83345) posted at 11:24 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2025
Sounds weird. Not sure what he can pull when there's already an order in place though. You'd have to ask a lawyer in your state for an actual answer.
WB1340 ( member #85086) posted at 11:31 PM on Sunday, August 17th, 2025
Just say no. The direct deposit stays in effect. Let a judge say otherwise
D-day April 4th 2024. WW was sexting with a married male coworker. Started R a week later, still ongoing...
BondJaneBond ( member #82665) posted at 12:06 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2025
No, don't agree to any changes. Everything has to go through your lawyer. Sounds like he's got some plan cooked up or maybe he's gonna get canned at work. Something's up. You're wise to be suspicious.
What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Use anger as a tool and mercy as a balm.
Jess09 (original poster member #68747) posted at 2:20 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2025
He is such a narc, it has been a living hell. Still a living hell even after 5 years post divorce and kids in college. He will be quiet for awhile and then he will emerge and be a nightmare. I am constantly on edge. It affects my health. So he is for sure trying to somehow get around paying what he owes and using child support ending as his way of doing it. I wish so much I still didnt need his support so I could get away from him and his constant manipulation! My kids too! Why cant I win the lottery!
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 3:54 AM on Monday, August 18th, 2025
Let him take you to court. And then demand he pays your attorney’s fees.
You are wise to sense he is up to something. Because he probably is.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 1:34 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2025
For some it’s like a game or competition. He wants to win. He wants to keep a hold on you.
The less you interact the less he has to grasp.
OK – so if the child support is over I guess the kids have reached legal independence. It’s no longer your obligation to coparent with him. In fact – congratulations! You don’t really have any reason whatsoever to communicate with him!
The support isn’t a gift. It’s a legal condition set and confirmed by the court. If he wants to change it then he goes through the legal system. I think you should make that very clear to him. Might even suggest you are open to taking it to court because you think you deserve more...
I think you might be well served by sending him something like:
Seeing as our children are no longer minors I expect all your communications with them to be directly between you and them. We therefore have no need to communicate regarding coparenting. As far as the other stipulations in the legally binding divorce settlement I expect you to fulfil them as the court ordered. If you have any wish to deviate from the courts orders I suggest you have your attorney contact mine, but keep in mind I will expect reimbursement for any futile attempts to change the court orders.
Then block him in all ways possible. Unlike child-support that might be based on visitation, spousal support has no expectations of you remaining in contact.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:33 PM on Monday, August 18th, 2025
Just say no. The direct deposit stays in effect. Let a judge say otherwise
This. Exactly this.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
