SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found it difficult to pull myself out of the depression and anxiety. Just been emotionally paralysed. I haven't found my anger yet.

It takes longer than you want. For me, it was close to 9 months before I really started to get back on my feet, and then another few months to get fully up. Others get though it faster, but it is months no matter what. Rage set in around 3 months for me, but for some it is closer to 6 months (and some skip that step). Whatever you are going through, it is a normal part of the roller coaster of infidelity.

Have you talked to your doctor? Many of us have gone on anti-anxiety or anti-depressants for a short term to get through this. Talk therapy can help too - you need outlets for the energy that is building up. Exercise - even just a long walk- will help a ton, too.

This is brutal stuff. Hang in there.

What are you doing to help process all this pain?

I agree ! this is such a devastating experience to have to live through ! Having to go through this at any age, it’s a nightmare. I’m 70 ! How much time do I have to get over it? I don’t think I will ever get over it. It’s been 16 months since I found out about his betrayal and it’s been nine months since we divorced. It’s still raw. I see two therapists one is a trauma therapist. I’m doing EMDR therapy have been since January doesn’t seem to be helping . This pain cuts to our souls it runs very deep. I am trying so hard exercising , doing things that I really don’t want to do , but the rumination snd the need for consequences for him and his AP eat away at me every second of my day. But I am determined not to let them destroy my life any further.

I guess it depends on what you mean by "restart life" - I withdrew from friends and family for a while, but I always went through the motions for holidays and such. I worked. I did the best I could for my kid.

That said, for a long time I lived in a fog of not wanting to live. Every night I would go to bed hoping I just didn't wake up. *That* finally started to clear about 4 months after separation, 2.5 years after dday1, but it took more than 3 years to start feeling happy more often than sad. Now it's been more like 3.5 years (6 weeks until we're officially divorced), and I'm genuinely happy most days. I still mourn what was lost, but the grief passes very quickly, like a fleeting shadow.

It's a long, brutal process, and like BearlyBreathing said, it takes way longer than we ever want. Hang in there and keep doing the work. If someone actually stabbed you in the gut, you would expect the pain and healing to last a long time. This isn't much different.

[This message edited by NoThanksForTheMemories at 4:59 AM, Thursday, June 25th]